From the mouths of babes...

Come the most interesting questions..

Today's late evening question from the enquiring mind of my 11 year old was
"why don't people believe in God?"

Phew that is a deep one - mind you it followed shortly on the heels of
"where does my consciousness come from?"
earlier in the evening.

Both of these are not easy questions to answer and both of them have taxed the minds of philosophers, sages, doctors and psychiatrists for centuries and to date I am not certain if anyone has come up with a satisfactory answer.

Certainly among the answers to the first one of these is one of choice, people choose not to believe in a God for a variety of reasons, they see the ills of the world around them and find it hard to believe that a caring and compassionate deity could allow them to happen. Some lose faith over a period of time believing that other ways may lead to a more caring and compassionate world and that by their actions following this path, they will help achieve this. Others don't even see a God in this world, all they see is themselves as their own God in their own corner of the universe selfishly believing that they are right to do as they see fit and be damned to the rest of the world.

For myself I have both lost and found faith over the years and take some small comfort in that faith.

Not of picturing a saintly looking bearded man in the sky, smiling benevolently at his creation, but of looking around me and seeing the wind, the skies, the stars , the plants and the animals and yes the other people around me and feeling that this is the true nature of God in creation. I do wonder at wars and the unfortunate ills of the world but I also acknowledge that God gave us free will and we use that to the good or ill in the world which we inhabit for such a short space of time.

I hope that I am using my time here to the good!

Back to the grind?

Here I find myself again sat in the office I share with my colleagues, although at the moment I sit here alone. 
I happen to like the quiet time of  the office almost if not more than when the office is busy and noisy.
It gives me a quiet space in which to think what the day and at this time the coming year will bring.
I know I am going to find the next few weeks a bit difficult personally as it runs up to the 10th anniversary of my fathers passing.  I miss both my parents immensely especially at this time of year.
So I take comfort in the silence around me that gives me time to think and remember and to quietly thank God for all the good memories I have of this time of year.

A la recherche du temps perdu

This year has really taken its toll following Colin's passing and it really took me a long time to come to terms with the reality of it.

In some respects it did raise doubts with me for a while, however I feel that it has strengthened me in other ways in that I perhaps value the life I have and the people around me more than I previously thought I did.

When someone passes it leaves a void for a time that you think it is impossible to fill and to a degree it is impossible to fill it - mainly because the person who has passed is no longer there as a physical person, so you have no one to interact with and get a response from regarding what they think or how they feel.

What is left to you though is a memory of the personality and a rememberance of their persona that allows you to think the thought "What would X have thought of that?" or "What would Y have said about that". Sometimes this can be a positive feeling and help you gain another perspective from a point outside yourself but within your own persona, which has taken an imprint of the other persons attitudes and beliefs.

It helps me sometimes to do this as it helps in the rememberance of the person who has passed.

Strange Emotions

This week has been one of the strangest I have encountered in a very long time and has left me feeling quite sad, confused and to a large degree very depressed.
Sadly I had to attend the funeral of a very dear and close friend who, at the same age as myself, succumbed to cancer after a very short but ultimately courageous fight, at the end of March. I saw him a few weeks before he passed and we talked, all too briefly to be sure, and it was is we had never been apart.
We had been friends for about 36 years, meeting on our first day at university and keeping in touch despite the distance between us ever since. We would talk every so often and meet on occasions and yet it never felt as though we were apart and could pick up where we left off.
Bizarrely our career paths sort of shadowed one another although with slight nuances between them.
Now the earth has borne my friend away and I feel like I have abandoned him even though my own beliefs tell me that he is in safe hands.
The funeral service we held for him was full of rejoicing and thankfulness for the life he had lived and the lives he had touched and the contributions he had made. Everyone who was there had only wonderful things to say about him and I was happy he was remembered fondly by so many.
I don't think I previously understood the concept of 'Anam Cara' - the soul kinship that some feel until this moment but I do now and my heart feels torn in two by the loss of the brother of my soul and I pray that you rest peacefully till we meet again.

A Woman Bishop

And about  time too.

Today's consecration of the first woman as a Bishop here in England is something of a turning point here in England.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30984743

Actually I think personally this is a great day only marred by someone who let their own prejudices ring out in an unseemly fashion which did nothing to improve the validity of his case or his arguments against this historic move.

A Turn Up

About ten days ago I discovered that I had lost a gold chain that I habitually wear around my neck. More importantly, to me at least, was the fact that I had also lost the gold crucifix that was on the chain and which was my promise to myself about my renewed feelings of faith when I was deep in a crisis of personal despair about four years ago.
I think I had effectively gone into a period of mourning about this loss and was just about over the loss, mainly due to my wife realising how much the chain meant to me and her buying me a replacement as a very early and very welcome Christmas present, when, whilst cleaning up some things in my sons bedroom the cross made a very welcome reappearance.
How it got there I can only speculate - probably I had been cleaning up previously and had lost it - but the fact was that I had got it back again. It felt once again like a promise renewed and the hand of an old and trusted friend was back where it should be. All my other burdens seemed to have been lifted by finding it and putting it back where it belongs both around my neck and in my heart.
I have to say that this episode also reminds me of how I felt when my christian beliefs also became important in my life again and it makes me remember how much the knowledge that I am never truly alone because God is always present with me even when I despair.

The Failing Year

Strange title for a post this time and to some extent its a bit of a summary as to how this year has been with this blog.

I have manifestly failed to make many entries - mainly due ot my own laziness I suppose but also because I have failed to do a great deal.

The latter is mainly due to a knee injury in April whilst cycling to work where I pulled or strained a ligament in my knee that was extremely painful to say the least and which only seemed to come right towards the end of August to early September.

This has hindered a lot of cycling, mountain biking  walking and climbing and in some part has contributed to me being on downward spiral for the vast majority of the year and so I have not felt like (metaphorically) putting pen to paper.

October was marginally better and I managed a couple days in Scotland's mountain bike heaven - the 7 Stanes (@7Stanes) with a good friend and colleague which helped recover some of my confidence in my abilities.

Work has been insanely busy and this has prevented me making my usual midweek visits to the church in the town centre here and which I was beginning to miss quite keenly. Happily this situation seems to be resolving itself now and there is a sense of calm returning and this has enabled me to actually make a couple of services over the past two weeks. I actually feel quite excited about the prospect of Christmas and the Christmas story now and there is a sense of anticipation building that the season is coming towards us.

So maybe the failing year in terms of the amount of time left in the year is bringing to an end a failing year for me with the hope that seems to be being born with the approach of Christmas and a new hope for the next year.