Nearly The End Of Another Year

Oe the beginning of a new one either way it is the turn of the year when we can put the old year's fears and doubts behind us and look forward to the new, hopefully a better one

A day at VB mines

Hard days coding VB to sort out some problems. Hard after not having done it for about 5 years. So a little bit pleased with myself.

Concert time

Playing with the band at South Crosland really looking forward to it after a stressful week of illness and rotten programs

Dreary weather

Well the dreary wet days are here now,  low cloud base and drizzle turning everything grey. Good Gaelic word for it is driech which sums it up nicely

Darkness drawing in .

Noticed tinight that the evenings are really drawing in now, dark by 7.30 pm. That notwithstanding it was a really nice autumn weekend this week. Did a huge (for me) 50k road ride on the bike. Stunning views and good company really lifted my spirit  seems that is all I need some fresh air and exercise to get myself on a bit more of an even keel

Autumn has arrived

Today really feels like the first day of the new season,  dull and wet but with the splash of colour that the turning leaves bring.

New Considerations

If anyone actually reads this blog,  which I doubt, you will no doubt be aware that I seem to suffer from some very dark moods.
I recently came acriss the "Time for Change" web site which I found quite inspiring and from there some articles on Cognitive Behavior Therapy which sounds luke something I think I might look into.
Certainr some of the blog s on "Time for change" were so like my experiences that it struck a chord with me. Maybe a way to help myself?

Great end to the working day too

Since I enjoyed the ride in so much and it cleared my mind I decided ti use the ride home to do much the same and metaphorically close the door behind me on the office.  The 14k ride home was tough going into the headwind but was worth ir for the last 2.5k descent down into the village. I then felt really relaxed and de stressed and was glad to get home. We followed this up by picking yet more blackberries for moee vodka production.

Great start to the day

I decided that since I had enjoyed my cycling during the holiday period I would cycle into work today and have a nice long ride in. So I did this and had a good solid 18k road ride in on a cool but fine morning. It has set me up for the day.

Follow on from last post

I am not sure what was worse thw actual return to work and all the associated rubbish that came with it or the actual return. I had slept badly for the two days prior to my return to work something I do not do on hllkday. It was something preying on my mind all the time.
I think I am losing confidence in my own ability to do things.

Post holiday blues

I always find the return to normality after a holiday hard to deal with. I am not sure if this is not some sort of sign that I am unhappy with the general day to day path that my life moves along,  certainly I am not sure that I am happy with my work and I feel unfulfilled which I am sure is not a good sign. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I find so little time for myself and my relationship with my family dueing the normal course of things. Perhaps I need something to interest my mind. Either eay the next few fays will be a struggle for me to regain some sort of balance for my fragile mind.

Summer is defintely with us now

How do we know this - because it has been hot for at least 3 days consecutively that's how! It might not seem much to you but after the (to say the least) disappointing summers of the last 2 years anything that approaches a summer is most definitely welcome.

So whats happening apart from that?

Well the warm weather has encouraged me to bring out the mountain bike so I can get to work without using the car and the motorbike both of which wind up being too hot inside (car) or too uncomfortable to have so many clothes on (motorbike) which means the mountain bike is the next best option, principally because the road bile is in for maintenance. The canal towpath makes an excellent way to avoid the traffic and is noticeably cooler than riding on the roads.

My work is keeping me very busy which is both good in some respects and stressful in others. When I moved into the IT field it was because I like technology and programming. The past few years have seen this being more sidelined for me in the organisation for which I work and I seem to be developing into some sort of management drone with no particular skills and shed loads of people who all seem to have some sort of axe to grind to cover the failures of their own departments. It really is the limit and it gets me down that people can be such back stabbing ................. well you get the picture no doubt.

I am one of these people that finds this sort of thing very stressful and it in turn rebounds on me in the form of depression to the point where I find it difficult to function normally on a number of levels, which again exacerbates the situation and plunges me further into a downward spiral.

Still the highlights of my life tend to bring me back - the bike rides, some calm weekends with my family and some good successful climbing ventures all seem to push the stupidity of other people back away from me and show me one thing, friends are a good thing. Look after them

Spoke too soon!

No sooner than we welcome spring than we are back to about November I think. The temperature has dropped right off and there is yet again a bitter wind.

That being said the local wildlife seems to be coming around. I was out walking the dog early one morning last week when I was surprised to see a badger waddling towards me. Not sure who was most surprised him or me. My chocolate friend though thought it might be a game to try and chase him to find out what he was, not having seen one before and it took me quite a bit to restrain him from dashing over to investigate. Mr Badger was not too keen on being investigated by a 35 kilo chocolate Lab and beat a very hasty retreat.
Ah well it can only get warmer - I hope.

Motorbike is out - spring is definitely here!

As a follow on from the last post I decided this morning to get my motorbike going and have a ride into work instead of taking the car. It felt really great to be on the bike and to let everything else just wash away from me as I concentrated on riding.
It is still not what you would call warm and the wind left a lot to be deisred but it was well worth it just for the pleasant feeling of a clear head.
I did not do much riding last year and forgotten how much I enjoyed it so maybe I can get some more in this year.

It's finally arrived!

Spring that is! After a few weeks of an unrelenting easterly wind the direction has finally changed to south by south west and brought with it some warmer, but slightly blustery conditions. It seems to be also doing a better job of getting rid of the last remaining snow banks around here. The daffodils that were just beginning to peek out in March when the arctic weather arrived have now re-appeared and it feels like it just might linger for a bit.
As for me, well a few days rest and bit of exercise have improved my mood a bit however I still feel that there is something missing from me at the moment as I find it hard to see the joy in anything at the moment.

What a difference a few days, some exercise and a wonderfully bright morning can make. This  mornings dog walk although darker than it was before the clocks went forward was more rewarding than normal with the sound of owls hooting in the woods on one leg of it and hearing the foxes on the way back in. Not to mention the sounds of the birds all getting excited in the pre-dawn light. Even though some of the fields are still covered in snow here and it was bitterly cold this morning at least there is the hint of Spring.

Well into another year!

I know my posts are irregular but then that's me all over. A lot of things I do (or don't do) depend very much on my state of mind which of late seems to stumbling between a state of inertia and a state of severe depression. So much so I have started to look over my shoulder checking for black dogs (see Winston Churchill for the "quote").
I seem to be unable to find an interest in anything for very long and feel very uncommunicative with everyone else, I am also finding it hard to juggle life and work and downtime successfully and even writing this is an effort.
It is nothing to do with the weather since I actually really rather enjoy the snow shrouded landscapes around me and the enforced silence of most things mechanical giving nature time to open itself up a bit more with the sound of the birds and the rushing of the wind coming through more clearly now that the man made objects are struggling to move.
I will have to continue my search for some sort of inner peace though where to find it I am not sure